I was walking through the broken streets of Leogane Haiti, looking at the collapsed houses. The second stories just collapsed on the first stories. Houses folded in on themselves. People, long dead were in some of them. My first thoughts were Superman could have lifted that up and gotten trapped people out. I kept walking but I began to dwell on the absurdity of how my mind works. Of course Superman would not be here in Leogane. He lives in Metropolis, Batman in Gotham City, Will Smith's Hancock in Miami or in California, Spiderman in New York, Luke Skywalker in a Galaxy far far away, no one lives in Haiti. Why? The place that needs super human hope, love, and strength. I need to stop watching comic book movies. Its convient to help out a trapped citizen of some developed city get out of one scrape. can comic book characters help an entire nation get out of several scrapes? Say, a lack of infrastructure. How would super human strength work that one out... I realize I sound jaded and cynical but the disaster area is starting to stablize and things are reminding me of what it was like living here 7 years ago. Somethings have changed but an undeveloped infrastructure has not.
I wonder what will happen after I leave in May. Did I make any difference? Yes our hospital has been successful through this crisis but is it going to sustain the lack of resources, Haitian management that may or may not be fully committed to keeping this hospital going. My favorite poem comes to mind right now. Rudyard Kipling, "If", "If you can make one heap of all your winnings and risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss, and lose, and start again at your beginnings And never breath a word about your loss;" I feel like this is not my life's work but I have put in so much energy and effort.
I have met with plenty of well meaning people telling me how to run a hospital. My fellow medical students, yes professional medical students, and I work to keep patients alive, keep a count of our donations of drugs, supplies, and keep teams semi organized. Yes there are things I do not like about our hospital. I cannot keep an accurate inventory no matter how many hours volunteers and I spend counting, we do not have enough money to finish building our clinics, and other unfinished things. Yes things do not get done... you are not doing anyone any favors by telling us how to run a third world hospital during a disaster zone.
I like my job, but it is coming to an end. I am watching as the refugee camps slowly stop handing out daily rations to the dwellers of the camp. They have returned to pre earthquake state of being, starvation. What will happen when we leave? the hospital will close down? We face this, it is a real possibility. No one can help the Haitian except the Haitians themselves. I have been refocusing my energy these last few weeks with the simple goal: What will happen when I am gone? Will this get done by anyone else? If the answer is no, then I set it aside and let it be. It may be important to me but it is not to the Haitians. Therefore it is really not important. there is a certain freedom in that decision. It lets me do things that are important well.
Hey... So you know what? after 9/11 the focus of being "super man" switched from one man shows to ensemble casts. Spiderman looses his spidy senses in Spiderman II...but the best ending (all ending should be about this) is when "people" save themselves. By empowering others there is a stronger sense of security. Now, this tends to happen in revolutions, rebellions, and other bloody happenings through out history, but Haiti is one of the first self-empowered governments. It is possible.(Nothing you don't know already) but maybe you don't know this: What you're doing is more important than "saving" a life, you are teaching a life, not to survive, but to thrive. You're my super human :D
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